ONANISMS

by Damien Youth

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about

Damien Youth's 2002 Onanisms somewhat chronicles a behind the scenes transformation of the artist. During the recordings of these tracks, Damien was going through various relationships, a number of bands, drug & religious experimentations & even the birth of a child.

Damien has admitted to being obsessed with recording everything. Here you'll find conversations with friends, at times, sounding more like therapy sessions, notes to himself while in the midst of drug intoxication & all captured on an old hand held cassette recorder.

Aside from those unconventional soundbites, Onanisms features a mix of lost demo songs Damien neglected to use in other projects.

credits

released 24 October 2002

tags

tags: lo-fi rock acid folk cult freak folk gothic indie indie rock lo-fi pshych folk psychedelic spoken word New Orleans

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Track Name: New Creatures
Somebody's placing stones in my path
I move through the crowds & they stare as I pass
the monstrous forms shift in gray lifeless mass
with eyes all dis-fixed & their souls all detached.

I ponder their genesis neath a cluster of stars,
all you are are brains in a jar

The new creatures come & they're hovering me
flowing transparent skeletons with wings
a strange metamorphosis unfolds before me
these apes gone astronaut float above trees.

A castrated cyber cult appears on the screen,
they take souls so far away.

Mr. Applewhite's speaking to me
the genderless kingdom is waiting for thee
the Hale-Bopp comet tail white colonies
they send out their message through do & through t

phenobarbital vodka & lime
is all you need, now just go to sleep.

sleep

Now you go to sleep
Track Name: Below She's Growing Distant
Head grows silent as I'm summoning the ghost
I'm sitting faceless in the field of souls
The tentacles caresses and the sighless hovering host
she's pouring venom in me
The collage of the greys, there's an embryonic face
whispering secrets of the silent race
We rise above the forest in the black glow metal fleet
Below she's growing distant

Brains form galaxies which terrify the host
In chemical deduction
Raw mouth watches from the corridors of hate
The new disease in-capsuled
Brains turn colors into sorted shapes defiled
The conscious mind surrenders
The godhead salivates and mumbles to itself'
I never had existed
And to die is to realize
You never have existed
And to die is to realize
You never had existed
Track Name: I'm So Afraid Of You
I'm so afraid of you & the rest of them too it's true
I'm so afraid of you & the rest of them too it's true
I saw you walking on your own today as the ghost songs played in your head
I saw you staring wild beneath your hair with the eyes of the living dead
Mystery surrounds you as you're sucked into the vacuum, subtle violence of passing days
And you move through all the vultures And you purify each circle that your spirit has passed... away

Long are the shadows that are stretching inside my mind. Deep is the chasm in the godless space behind your eyes
And all of our tomorrows evaporate like water
in the hot desert sands of time
And the ghost that moves within me is moving towards the ending swirling faint in the mortal eye.

And, I'm so afraid of you & the rest of them too it's true
I'm so afraid of you & the rest of them too it's true.
Track Name: Nobody
Was only 15 years ago, gave up religion for rock n roll
I was looking for a new connection, what I got was a new addiction
I stood on the stage in a mock crucifixion
like a mystical sage, revealing deception

The golden calf was up for grabs
with all of my heroes dead on the slab
I felt myself filling the void
that was left by the death of the wonder boys
The ghost you left lying 'round
through records and magazines
are swirling inside of me
as I sing my songs to no one at all

Standing up stones in a familiar place
but there are no familiar faces
I must have played here a million times before
but all I recognize is the exit sign above the door
And I swear this is the last time
Yeah I swear this is the last time
that I try to make a friend in this world

The lights are out I'm leaving the stage
I'm sitting in my closet like a stepchild afraid
Writing songs for no one but me
but secretly hoping that this one's the key
that will open the door for me
where they will be waiting
and they'll all want to hear the world
that I've been creating. . .

...but there's nobody there.